


Like a feather bringing kingdoms to their knees

by 2fab4u



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, but I hope you enjoy it, i have no idea what this is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-09
Updated: 2016-11-09
Packaged: 2018-08-30 02:48:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8515627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2fab4u/pseuds/2fab4u
Summary: Lukas’ heart aches. He doesn’t want to think about the pain Philip’s going through because he’s felt it all himself before. At a different age and for a different reason but the pain’s still the same. It’s the kind of pain that drops you to your knees and makes you wish you were dead too. It’s the kind of pain that leaves you open.





	

**Author's Note:**

> hiya, hope u like this angsty thingy i wrote! come say hi on weldenback.tumblr.com !! i also want to note english is not my native language so there's probably a lot of typos, have the most amazing day!

There are 426 students in Red Hook High School. Today, from that group of 426 students, 22 are absent. A few of these missing 22 students are gone because of a flu that is going around the town making people ill and some of the students just decided school wasn’t important on that day. It happens, nothing unusual.  There are two students out the 22 that have been absent for a week. One of the them is a guy who broke his leg quite badly last weekend while playing football and one of them is Philip Shea.

Nobody knows where he is. Not that people even care that much but when Sheriff Torrance came to the school without Philip, looking all serious and walking straight to the principal’s office, a few rumours started flying. Some students said he was dead and some said he ran away back to the city. Most of them just didn’t care.

Lukas knows Philip isn’t dead. How he know this? Philip has seen his texts. Not once has he answered back to Lukas but knowing that Philip isn’t laying dead in a ditch somewhere gives Lukas some peace of mind. Why Helen visited the principal’s office, Lukas has no idea. It’s just, Lukas is getting quite bored since it’s been nine days when he saw Philip the last time. Not that he’s counting or anything. Because he’s not.

When Philips does come back in school, Lukas thinks it’s quite pathetic how quickly he notices it. It’s not even under his control anymore how his eyes scan groups of students, looking for a specific jacket or a shade of brown that Philip’s hair is. He’s been doing it automatically right after the second day Philip didn’t show up in school. It really is quite embarrassing. But Philip is here today, wearing the exact same jacket he wore nine days ago and his hair almost the same, just a bit messier that usual. Philip walks by and passes Lukas without looking him at all. This doesn’t surprise Lukas because of their unspoken rules, but what _does_ surprise him is Philip’s appearance.

He looks miserable. His whole body is tense, like he’s waiting for someone to attack him but his face is completely empty. No trace of any emotion. It’s actually quite scary.

Lukas also thinks it’s quite pathetic how he noticed all of this in about three seconds.

Before the class starts Lukas takes his phone out of his pocket and sends Philip a text. ‘ _Wanna meet before lunch?_ ’ Of course it’s not Lukas’ business to know where Philip was for a whole week or why Helen came by the school but he’s also curious and he’s Philip’s friend. Or at least he thinks he is. He’s pretty sure.

Focusing on the teaching turns out to be quite difficult. Math is not his strongest subject on its own but when the only thing going around his head is the blue check mark next to the text he sent and the word ‘Read’, it makes learning feel twice as hard.

After class, Rose luckily doesn’t ask him to join her and her friends for lunch. Lukas just awkwardly smiles at her and heads for his locker to wait for the hallway to clear up. When he sees that almost everyone has left for lunch and its gourmet meals, he goes out from the side door and heads for the roof. Lukas didn’t really specify where they’d meet but he assumes Philip knew what he meant.

 

When he gets up the last few steps of the ladder, he notices that Philip isn’t there yet. After waiting for a few minutes, Lukas hears someone climbing up and for a second he fears somebody saw him and is now coming up to ask him what the hell he’s doing on the roof but when he sees Philip’s face, he sighs of relief. The first thing the notices though, is how fragile Philip looks. Almost if the wind got any stronger than it is right now, it would pick Philip up and send him to the ground.

‘Hi,’ Lukas says a bit awkwardly. Now that he comes to think of it, why did he even ask Philip to come up here? He’s probably just overreacting and Philips just fine.

 ‘Hey,’ Philip answer almost as awkwardly, walking in front of Lukas. ‘You wanted to meet. Is everything alright?’ Philip asks, voice blank. Everything about him seems to scream wrong. Lukas tries to clear his throat. ‘Yeah, I just saw you’re back in school and wanted to know where you’ve been.’ Why is his throat feeling so closed up? ‘I mean, you know, is everything alright?’ he asks lamely. He should probably say something more but it feels like everything he that comes out of his mouth right now sounds stupid.

Philip isn’t really looking at Lukas’ eyes but his own shoes. ‘Yeah, everything’s fine, I’ve just had a couple rough days,’ Philip mutters. ‘That’s all.’ Lukas just watches him a bit skeptically. ‘How so? Did you tell Helen about what we saw? Because I saw her coming here and if-‘ ‘I didn’t tell, okay?’ Philip interrupts, voice steady and emotionless. ‘No need to worry, I didn’t tell her anything.’ He still isn’t looking at Lukas. Lukas really doesn’t understand what’s wrong and he’s starting to get a bit annoyed. He takes a deep breath. ‘Are you mad at me or something?’ Lukas asks, placing his hand on Philip’s shoulder and pulling him closer. He tries squeeze and relax the tense muscles but it only feels like massaging rocks. As the silence between them stretch he starts to fear the worst. Before Lukas starts freaking out, Philip finally mutters quietly. ‘I’m not mad, I just-‘ His voice starts to shake and he stops himself. He takes a shallow breath and continues, ‘It’s just,’ another breath, ‘My mom, uh, my mom died.’

Lukas freezes. Philip’s words circle around his brain, repeating themselves again and again. ‘ _What?_ ’ He forces his hand to move on Philip’s shoulder. It feels like Philip’s shaking under his hand. ‘She died a little over week ago,’ Philip says, his body is even tenser than before. How? Lukas doesn’t know. ‘She overdosed and then she just, uh, died.’ Philip’s voice sounds so small. ‘Shit,’ Lukas says, trying to understand what Philip is actually saying to him. He also realises that Philip isn’t moving at all anymore and that he has to do something. ‘Shit, I’m so, so sorry, Philip,’ he says as he’s pulling Philip to tight hug.

First, Philip’s not moving at all. It’s like he isn’t even breathing. It feels like Lukas is hugging a statue that suddenly comes alive. Philips grabs Lukas’ jacket like it’s the only thing keeping him alive. Lukas feels more than hears when Philip starts to cry. It’s not hysterical and dramatic but quiet and heart wrenching. When Philip tries to break apart, Lukas grabs his hand and takes them to sit.

‘Fuck,’ Philip laughs, voice without any kind of warmth in it. ‘I didn’t have _any_ idea that she was using again. She promised me the last time I saw her that everything was fine.’ His voice starts breaking again. ‘And then this happens,’ he says bitterly, the pain so obvious, ‘I don’t fucking know anymore.’

Lukas’ heart aches. He doesn’t want to think about the pain Philip’s going through because he’s felt it all himself before. At a different age and for a different reason but the pain’s still the same. It’s the kind of pain that drops you to your knees and makes you wish you were dead too. It’s the kind of pain that leaves you open. He keeps rubbing Philip’s back just to touch something. It helped him when he was younger.

‘So, what happens now?’ Lukas asks quietly. Philip shakes his head, ‘Nothing much. The funeral is about in a week. Helen and Gabe are helping a lot,’ he explains, ‘And I’m staying here. So, no, nothing much.’ Philip stares blankly at his hand and leans heavily on Lukas. ‘Do you want me to help somehow?’ Lukas asks. He really means it. He would everything he could. Philip shakes his head and huffs out a laugh. ‘Thanks, but I don’t think you can help with anything,’ Philip turns his head and finally looks into Lukas’ eyes, ‘Thanks though.’ Lukas tries to swallow the lump in his throat and smile. ‘No problem.’

 

What a joke. ‘No problem’. Yes, there’s a fucking problem. Everything right now is a problem.

 


End file.
